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The Importance of "Loyalty" In a Relationship

Thank you for reading the Grow Your Healthy Relationship Cards blog! This is where card creators and married partners, Louie Bernstein and Suvani Stepanek, will discuss individual cards and share further incites so that you and your partner can gain a deeper understanding of each topic in the deck AND gain a deeper understanding of one another.

The first card we will explore is the Loyalty Card from Stage 2 of growth - the period of "Joining Together."

It is no accident that the quality of Loyalty occurs in this stage. It is a time in the growing relationship where the two individuals find new ways of relating to and supporting each other as a couple, as partners in life together. You are becoming a “unit”, an alliance of two, ready to face whatever the world brings you.

The quote of this card, “I have your back”, means that you are letting your partner know that you will support them 100% of the time, through thick and thin. You can be their biggest cheerleader during their victories, or their greatest defender during times they feel challenged.

Being their cheerleader means you truly celebrate with them, letting them know that you are as excited as they are about their accomplishments, achievements and victories.

Being their greatest defender means that you can fully empathize and align with your partner’s feelings; letting your partner feel very seen, understood and validated.

Here is an example of this quality of Loyalty, of always standing right beside your partner, no matter what…

Imagine your partner had forgotten to complete some task at work, and your partner’s boss went ballistic, blaming and shaming your partner in front of the other staff. Your partner comes home feeling hurt, but mostly furious, at the insulting treatment by the boss.

Rather than try to “fix” the situation, such as suggesting that your partner get their tasks done on time, what your partner most wants is for you to fully understand and validate their hurt and anger, and for them to feel that you totally “get” them.

When we “align” with our partner that way, when we share and reflect the feelings that they are feeling, we remind them and reassure them that “I’ve got you back” no matter what the situation is.

This quality of Loyalty, of standing by your partner’s side no matter what, will be an important step towards Joining with your partner. Your Loyalty will assure your partner that they will never stand alone when facing the world. You will assure them that you will always be by their side.

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